Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas
One Line Summary
Tantra without the bullshit
One thing I’m realizing the more I study Tantra is how much ego nonsense there is wrapped up in it. It’s the epitome of people who want to feel Ultra Spiritual.
That being said, it be a mistake to dismiss Tantra outright for that reason. Urban Sex is one of those books that shows you why.
Urban Tantra is a modern handbook for Tantra. If you’re uncomfortable with all the “woo-woo” that tends to be around this topic, have no fear. Urban Tantra is all about practicality.
Why it’s Awesome
The tagline of this book is “Sacred Sex for the 21st Century”. And that’s exactly what it is. You’re not going to be finding a lot of references to ancient deities in this book, it’s Tantric sex stripped down to its core.
The book opens with an explanation of the question what is Tantra? According to Carrellas, Tantra is a way to find real ecstasy in sex compared to the 10 minute-skin rubbing session most people have. It’s a way to truly connect with what you Are.
Those are some strong claims and they need to be justified. Ultimately though, only you can verify Carrellas’ words for yourself through trying out her methods.
Next, she talks about orgasms and the different types of orgasms people can have and how to launch yourself into these forms of ecstasy. The two major types are breathe and energy.
From there Carrellas explains the use of Tantric rituals and taking Tantra to the “next level” so to speak in group sex and alternative forms of healing.
One piece of advice I really liked from this book was something Carrellas calls the Erotic Awakening Massage. This is a Tantric technique that revolves around giving a unique massage to your partner and then using something called the Clench and Hold to have an explosive orgasm. Tried it out, it’s a lot of fun.
Another part I found really interesting was the alternative uses of Tantra Carrellas presents. Tantra is so much more than about sex. You can actually use a type of mediation called Tonglen to positively impact world peace.
Now, I understand this sounds like some bullshit and can come off as extremely pretentious. Having sex for world peace? It sounds crazy. Not long ago I’d just say Carrellas was rationalizing her own laziness to do anything real to help the cause. But let me make an argument for this.
First off, the more of learning, the more I’m realizing how flawed the scientific idea of materialism is. It’s unfounded, and in fact every major teaching speaks to the immaterial nature of our universe. And if it’s true that all is One, then we shouldn’t be so fast to put limits on what is possible.
But let’s say that Carrellas is totally wrong and she can’t at all influence world peace. Understand that it still feels good to not be so concerned with “you” so much and turn your focus outwards towards helping others. Givers are usually the true receivers, and Tonglen is no different.
Another really interesting mediation she talks about is Death meditation. This is something I haven’t talked about on this blog here. Essentially, by using visualization of you becoming connected with the One and then releasing it during orgasm, you can potentially release deep neurosis surrounding death.
This is a fascinating topic to me because fear of death really is just this fulfillment killer in your life unless you handle it. Most people handle it by ignoring it, but ignoring something has never solved anything. You’ve got to get up close and get your hands dirty with it.
That’s what Death meditation does. Incredible stuff.
Why Does It Suck
The only problem I can see eople having with Urban Tantra is that is making a lot of unscientific claims. The guy who loves modern science is probably cringing as she goes through her explanations of the chakras the healing power of sex. So you may want to skip this one if you’re that guy. Or you may want to push your understanding and be open minded.
The Wrap Up
This is my favorite book on the subject of Tantra so far. It’s extremely practical and really showcases Carrellas’ passion for this topic. If you want to learn Tantra from a modern, no bullshit perspective, start here.