My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday
One Line Summary
Women’s dirtiest sexual fantasies exposed…
It’s time for another book about sex. I never like leaving a topic along for too long.
In the 70’s, researcher Nancy Friday interviewed and collected thousands of sexual fantasies from women. It became a safe place for women to express desires without fear of repercussions from their significant other, family or society in general.
The result? My Secret Garden, a collection detailing these fantasies with explanation from Friday.
While this is not an erotic, romance novel like 50 Shades of Gray, it does read like it at times. In fact it’s far more explicit than ANYTHING you’ll find at a typical bookstore today.
If you’re not into that, I suggest you skip this review. This one is going to be raw.
Why it’s Awesome
Can this book, which is almost like reading porn, actually help you self-develop? Or am I just pushing sex as a marketing tactic?
The answer is yes, it can help you self-develop. But you have to approach it in the right way.
Carl Jung was famous for coining the idea of “shadow” parts of our personality. These are parts of ourselves which, for whatever reason, we have repressed and hidden from ourselves. Hence, it becomes like a shadow because we are not aware of it, even though it’s there.
Sex is still such a cultural taboo that many of our shadows, especially for women, form around sex. We’re told it “isn’t right” to have certain desires and these things get shoved in the corner because they’re dirty and we shouldn’t look at them.
Men certainly cause a fair share of this. Guys get insecure and angry when they hear that their “precious Jenny” from next door maybe isn’t so innocent, and so they slut-shame girls.
If you’re a guy who has ever done that, I’d invite you look really long and hard at where the behavior comes from. It really makes you that mad that a girl has a lot of sex? Seems extreme…
But of course women slut-shame as well as out insecurity. Is that girl really a slut? Or did you just call her that because she’s either:
a) hotter than you
b) doing what you wish you could be doing but can’t because it goes against what you were told growing up
or c) has a guy or is getting attention that you’re not from guys
Again, I’d think long and hard about that one. Just my personal opinion, nothing to do with Friday.
Even though our society has increasingly become sex positive, the amount of social conditioning revolving around sex is incredible. If you think that’s not true, imagine writing a Facebook status detailing your latest sex dream and comment below with your reaction.
To be fair, I’m not saying people need to be doing that. But at the same time, if you experienced a lot of fear at the thought of that…what’s up with that?
The main benefit of reading My Secret Garden, when done in the context of self-development, is that it will help you bring acceptance to these shadows. Friday’s commentary is in depth about how this social conditioning is done and the effect is has on women.
If you’re a man, then you’re going to have some illusions shattered about the “innocence” of some of the women around you. And that’s good, because it will teach you what you’re really dealing with when you’re dating some girl.
These are not fantasies about candle lit dinners and missionary mission. These are fantasies about gangbangs, swinging, public sex, orgys, masochism and just about anything else you can think of.
It does NOT MEAN that every woman wants these things, whether in fantasy land or real life. These are FANTASIES, emphesis on the fantasy part. But it will open your eyes for those of you who view woman as the gender that “just puts up with sex” and doesn’t really want it.
Why Does It Suck
This got a low rating because its practicality is limited. It might open your eyes to the kind of fantasies that are out there for women if you’re naïve about these kinds of things, but you probably aren’t going to be solving world peace by reading this book. And you could argue that watching porn or reading an explicit romance novel would be the equivalent.
For that reason, I think it’s safe to say you can just skim this one. No need to sit down and actually read all almost 400 pages of sexual fantasies, although you’ll probably want to. Some of them are really good.
The Wrap Up
The most explicit book on my blog by far. Read it if you want a trip into the deepest, repressed parts of the female psyche. Warning, this book can cause you to feel extremely uncomfortable, so I’d suggest only reading if you have a thick skin. You will be shocked by what you read.