The Enlightened Sex Manual by David Deida
One Line Summary
Fuck your way to Enlightenment
There’s good sex…and then there’s Enlightened Sex.
I don’t know about you, but the second one sounds pretty cool.
In this book, David Deida gives a brief introduction to the ideas of Tantric sex. No, it’s not about having sex for hours and never having an orgasm. Yes, there is some weird shit as Tantra is an ancient practice dating back thousands of years.
Luckily, we can skip all that.
This book is mostly focused on the male perspective. However, women can definitely get value out of reading this book as well.
Why it’s Awesome
What is Tantra?
Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice with the aim of having full Enlightenment experiences. It’s like meditation…only you’re having sex instead of sitting on a pillow and trying to not think.
For me, this hits all my buttons. Spiritual experiences AND sex? I’m practically salivating.
Unfortunately, as I’ve been researching Tantra I’ve come to realize that 90% of what’s out there on the subject is just absolute shit. Savvy businessmen can probably already see all the potential ways to make money off this practice.
Fortunately, Enlightened Sex is in that rare 10% of quality information.
In this book, David Deida approaches Tantra in a very practical way. He’s not going to ask you to dress in a costume and pray to Krishna. None of that is necessary for the real purposes of Tantra.
Here’s what he covers.
Tantra is all about breathing. It’s the foundation for the more advanced concepts. By learning to breathe fully and deeply, you set yourself up for success.
By using your breathing and conscious awareness, you can move the energy in your body to different places. It’s not voodoo, it’s actually very simple.
Put all your attention on your left hand right now. Can you feel its energy or vibration? Notice this was not there until you focused in on it.
Once you start having sex, you build a lot of energy. By circulating that energy up your spine, to your head and then down your stomach, you remove energy blockages and can experience full body orgasms.
David Deida argues that male orgasm and ejaculation are two separate things. Ejaculation drains you of energy, orgasm fills you with energy. Ejaculation typically can only be had once in a short period, orgasm can happen multiple times.
By learning to separate your orgasm from ejaculation, men can not only enjoy stronger orgasms, but be ENERGIZED by sex.
By the way, before every dude freaks out, Deida isn’t saying you can never ejaculate. Rather, he’s saying that you should become aware of when too much ejaculation is draining you and when you need that release. This will be highly individualized for each person.
The basic gist of how to get this awareness is going cold turkey for a while with your ejaculation and then experimenting. Because right now, you’re probably addicted to it. By cutting it off, you can see what your natural level really is.
To get way too personal, I’ve found a couple times a week is best for me. Anything more and I get sluggish, and anything less and I’m like an engine over revving.
Instead of having ejaculatory orgasms, you can have what’s called an Energy orgasm. By doing the energy circulation technique described above, you can have amazing experiences, far more powerful than an average orgasm.
Deida describes three types of female orgasms: clitoral, vaginal and cervix. These go in order of typical intensity as well as difficultly to achieve.
By using energy circulation, these orgasms can be so powerful that it may leave the woman in tears. But just like the man, she has to learn how to do it.
So this is the theory. The rest of the book is just practical exercises and ways to implement these ideas into your sex life. Read the book if you want to learn more about that, as I don’t feel qualified to offer real advice in this area.
That’s it. Tantra isn’t like this crazy thing that only religious people can do. It’s really just learning to breathe and control your energy.
Why Does It Suck
This is a very introductory text to Tantra. So if you’re an advanced practitioner, this book may be superfluous.
It’s also heavily male-biased. If you’re a woman, you may be better off reading some of the books I’ll featuring in the future to get a different perspective.
Also, if you consider yourself a really scientifically minded person, you’re probably going to scoff at this book for its use of intangible experiences like chakras. I’d argue that’s a mistake, but I’m here for you too and letting you know this book probably won’t be for you.
The Wrap Up
Amazing introduction to Tantra. Sex really is an overlooked topic in personal development, and I don’t think people understand just how deep this rabbit hole goes because it’s such a taboo subject still.
It’s not about just “getting off”. You can use sex for serious inner work. Release fears and even long repressed subconscious emotions that are making you unhappy. That’s the potential here.
But you have to keep an open mind.
If you’re willing to tumble down in Wonderland with me, this book is a fantastic place to start.